Sleep. It rules my little world. If there is one thing that has surprised me the most about my journey in parenting, it’s the amount of time I dedicate to thinking and reading about it. I analyze Nugget’s sleep patterns, how they’ve changed, when they changed, whether I did something to affect them and how to improve them overall. I’ve bought books, emailed authors, called doctors and struck up conversation with random mothers in random places. I became a sleep nazi and had to host an intervention on myself. Once I relaxed a little bit about Nugget’s sleep, I felt a little less out of control.
BUT, then we went away on that trip and her sleep went to hell. That desperate, anxious sleep nazi crept right back up. Then Nugget developed an intense, fiery red diaper rash (mmm, shall I post a picture?!) that obviously caused serious pain. THEN all the kids at daycare developed some horrible, snotty cold, making bad things worse. It’s really a wonder I even know what the date is because every night runs into every day right now and I’m just lucky we have digital clocks that help me tell time.
So what is the point of all this bitching? I don’t know. It’s the only thing on my mind right now. ^^^Like I said, right? I need someone to commiserate with me without telling me their kid turned it around in 3 days because we’re going on a couple of weeks now. I get it; parents share success stories to illustrate that things do get better. They share snippets of what they did to improve their situation that make you feel hopeful. Unfortunately (well, for me anyway), I’ve usually tried all of those methods. Those stories often make me question whether I’m reinforcing negative behaviors or whether I’m not consistent enough with our routines. Not fun, though I’m sure everyone goes through it.
It’s just too difficult not to take Nugget’s poor sleep personally. After all, I’m the one who taught her all of those bad sleep habits that we now have to undo…though I stand by my opinion that nursing to sleep and bedsharing are not bad habits in themselves. The bad habits I talk about have to do with my quick, and consistent, response to her cries at night. Almost everyone I’ve spoken with and every book I’ve read has pointed out that had I let Nugget fuss longer, she probably would have slept better in the long run. I would have given her the opportunity to figure things out on her own.
Alas, here we are instead…essentially sleep training for the 4th, 5th time? I don’t even know. And by sleep training, it’s come down to letting her cry it out till she gets to sleep. And it’s about now people judge us for making this choice (like I did, admittedly). Going to her to soothe her or calm her down only makes things worse. Been there, done that. Sometimes, we still do it just to see. It doesn’t change, by the way.
Meh. Well, what’s that saying people throw about expecting to help? “This, too, shall pass?” Yeah, well, let’s get the f***ing ball rolling already. Apparently, this thing we’re dealing with rolls like molasses.